Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
