was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
