I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
