i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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