filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
