I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
