so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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