so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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