She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
