You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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