Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
