Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
