Life is so much better after having sex.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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