so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
