First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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