wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
