i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
