just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've blown a few things in my day
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
