Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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