so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The air was thick with penises
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
