He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
