Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
