I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
