i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
