swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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