Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
