Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
