He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
