afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
