I hate all girls vehemently.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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