Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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