Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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