FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
