I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
