Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
