This dress was meant to end up on your floor
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
