alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
