my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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