I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
