The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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