thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
