Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i think my cat just said my name.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
