so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
