Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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