I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
