Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
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It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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