I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
