i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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