My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
