That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
