i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
