I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
