also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And then he peed in my hair
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
