so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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