My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
