Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I will be naked everywhere
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
