you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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