so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
