His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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