Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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