Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
