So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
