I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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