is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
