I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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