I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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